It all began in June 2009. We officially began “trying” to make a baby. I really didn’t think it would be any big deal. I mean, how hard could it be? People do it every day. . .including people not “trying” at all! So we took a “babycation” and drove up the coast to a cute little town called Cambria to begin our mission.
February 2010
Well skip ahead a few months. . .(or several months really) and I’m starting to get a little concerned that things are taking so long! Is something wrong with me? Is something wrong with him? I decided to take matters into my own hands and go in to speak with a fertility specialist. He ran some blood tests on me. . .and well, you can guess what poor Adam had to do.
So right about the time we were getting the test results back showing nothing appeared to be wrong. . .presto whammo. . .something seemed to be different. And with one. . .then two little tests. . .I received what the ladies like to refer to as a BFP (that’s Big Fat Positive in layman’s terms). Well that was Sunday, February 28th.
March 2010
So first thing Monday (March 1st), I called the doctor to report my findings. They had me come in immediately for a blood test. I had to wait until Tuesday for the result, which confirmed my suspicion. I was indeed pregnant. Hooray! But my progesterone was showing a little low, so they started me on a progesterone supplement. On Thursday, I had to go back for another blood test to ensure my HcG levels were tripling. They were!
So excited about what was happening, I threw myself wholeheartedly into being pregnant. I planned the nursery, I made a few purchases, I started reading baby books, I daydreamed a lot, I took prenatal yoga classes and suddenly I was very tired. Exhaustion seemed to be one of my only early symptoms (other than my swelling dairy factory) and it hit me full force. But I was excited, and happy I wasn't nauseous, and everything was fine. And thankfully, I work from home and can even work from my bed if need be. My computer goes just about anywhere.
So I was settling into my new state and feeling quiet content with things. I told close friends and family, but withheld from telling the masses until things progressed a little further. My how difficult it is to hold in a secret like that! It was the only thing I wanted to talk about and the topic was essentially off limits.
So I channeled my energy into making a tiny hand-made crib quilt. It was a little bit time consuming, but so completely fulfilling. And finally, on Friday, March 26, after three weeks of diligently working on my masterpiece, it was complete. Two hours later, I began to cramp and bleed and would soon learn this was the beginning of the end of this pregnancy.
I spent a few hours in the ER that night and things weren’t looking so good. I remained in bed for the weekend. . .waiting on pins and needles and knowing things weren’t right. On Monday, March 29th, exactly a month after I first learned of my pregnancy, my doctor confirmed with an ultrasound that my womb was once again empty. Fortunately, this happened early and completely naturally. I am very thankful for that.
April 2010
So it’s been a tough week to say the least. But today is the first day of April and I can honestly say the sun seems to be shining a little brighter. I’m still sad and really disappointed. But I know that this is how it was meant to be. I’m hopeful for the future. I’m ready to move on. I know this is just a bump in the road and just the beginning of our journey. I know there is a master plan for us and when it’s meant to be, it will be.
And I am thankful in so many ways for everything I have. I'm thankful for my family and friends. I'm thankful for my dogs. I'm thankful for the health of my loved ones and myself. I'm thankful for my home and my job and all of the comforts I have that make my life so much easier than many others who suffer and go without on a daily basis. I'm thankful that I'm married to the most amazing man who is supportive and understanding and makes me feel very loved. And I'm thankful for knowing without a doubt that one day we will be able to add the final piece to our puzzle.
So this story is to be continued. . .
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