936 hours later

approximately 936 hours ago (give or take a few minutes), i contracted a horrible case of morning (aka all-day) sickness.  you've heard my rants.  you've known my status.  it has been hell.  i didn't tally just how many times i lost my cookies. . .but it was at least 3 times a day for the past 39 consecutive days.  and on thursday, i magically felt better. 

i didn't want to count my chickens before they hatched, so i waited.  and on friday, i still felt good.  again, i was fearful that this break in the action was just a mirage.  that after trekking through the desert without water i was hallucinating a big and beautiful oasis filled with palm trees, fountains and strawberry daiquiris.  but today, for the third day in a row, i am stable. 

and finally i feel i can rejoice.  hallelujah.  praise the lord!! 

and lucky for my husband, my celebration includes cooking him dinner.  it's a baked spaghetti kind of night!! 

mashed, malt and mac. . .oh my!

well the days continue to be arduous, teetering on the edge of oblivion.  yes, i'm dramatic.  all you've heard from me for weeks (going into months) is how sick i am.  and i keep thinking i'll be able to come back and write about something fun and interesting.  but alas, when sickness rules your world, it's tough to think about much else.  so here we are again. . . talking about me.  wallowing in my own self pity. 

but i am hopeful!  next week is the 12-week marker and the date i've mentally been thinking i will magically feel better.  i'm usually right about everything (ask my husband), so i'm just sure i'm going to be right about this.  and even if i'm not, i've gotten this far, so i guess i'll just keep chugging away. 

but i also have something to look forward to!  next tuesday i have my second appointment with my ob/gyn.  not sure if i'll get another ultrasound out of this visit, but if nothing else, i expect an update of my progress and maybe an actual audible heartbeat?  so we shall wait and see. 

and on thursday, i go to see the maternal-fetal medicine specialist for my NT screening and perinatal consult.  not really sure what that entails either, but i'm thinking there will be an ultrasound involved there since they said we could bring in a blank DVD to record the proceedings if we wanted. 

this extra screening comes courtesy of my "advanced maternal age".  oh the irony in that.  for the first time in my life, i feel ready for a baby. . .emotionally, financially in every way i guess except physically. . .according to statistics, due to my aged and decrepit womb.  let's hope it holds out for 6 more months at least! 

but i have no regrets.  one episode of Teen Mom reaffirms that i made the right decision (for me) to wait until i felt absolutely ready.  and i can rest assured that i do.  now, this baby needs to realize that i do not enjoy feeling ill and that we'd get along much better if he/she would just chill out a little bit so we could just get along and live in harmony. 

but in the meantime, i'll continue to survive on mashed potatoes, malt-o-meal and macaroni and cheese.  oh my, yes indeed!

i was wrong

in my last post i said i felt better and would write more.  but i don't feel better.  i continue to be ill and hungry and unable to eat and perpetually throwing up.  and it is not pretty.  i rarely leave my house.  i rarely get dressed for that matter.  praise the lord that i work from home.  i have been able to work. . .kind of.  i do what has to be done. . .sometimes running back and forth from the toilet between each word i write. 

my hair is usually in a matted pony tail.  my face has only seen rare glimpses of make up when i have to go out into public.  my finger nails have chipped polish.  and pjs have become my staple wardrobe. 

i try to get movement by walking laps in the backyard or swimming in the pool.  the last several days have seen temps in excess of 100 degrees.  i cannot handle the heat right now.  if i'm outside, i'm in the pool.  inside, the ac is cranked lower than i usually allow.  and if anyone touches the thermostat (as in adam), i tell him he is not allowed to do so.  if he is cold, he needs to put on more clothes.  i am not nice right now.

my needs have taken over the household.  poor adam has become a slave.  constantly looking for ways to help relieve my sickness, feed me, wait on me, encourage me.  he is a saint.  he does the laundry.  he does the dishes.  he massages my shoulders and head.  he grocery shops.  he compliments me, even though i am not cute right now.  he does it all. . .without complaint.

so here we are at 10 weeks.  i pray this will all get better soon.  i know it will.  but i continue to pray it will happen sooner rather than later.  i am sick. . .and tired and ready for a happy glow instead of feeling so green.

but i know all this sickness is a good sign that all is well.  so deep down, i know it's all for the best.

it's official

i've just experienced two of the worst and longest weeks of my life.  24 hours a day, 7 days a week, i've been ravaged by extreme and unrelenting nausea.  i've spent hours with my face over the toilet.  my stomach has ached with hunger and yet nothing at all sounds good.  i've forced myself to eat saltines, dry white toast, applesauce, bananas, mashed potatoes, white rice.  the blander the better.  i am on carb overload. 

but i finally felt a little relief on tuesday.  wednesday was better.  and so far, today i actually feel normal.   all this torture is not in vain.  i am, once again, with child.  i am about eight weeks along so far.  i had intended to keep this a secret until the end of the first trimester, just to be safe.  but i've never been good with secrets.  and based on how sick i've been, i'm thinking things are going pretty good.  i also saw my ob/gyn for my first appointment this week.  the ultrasound confirmed everything is progressing well.  and a strong heartbeat of 166 bpm registered. 

so with that, the cat's out of the bag.  and now, maybe i'll have more to talk about on here!