i was wrong

in my last post i said i felt better and would write more.  but i don't feel better.  i continue to be ill and hungry and unable to eat and perpetually throwing up.  and it is not pretty.  i rarely leave my house.  i rarely get dressed for that matter.  praise the lord that i work from home.  i have been able to work. . .kind of.  i do what has to be done. . .sometimes running back and forth from the toilet between each word i write. 

my hair is usually in a matted pony tail.  my face has only seen rare glimpses of make up when i have to go out into public.  my finger nails have chipped polish.  and pjs have become my staple wardrobe. 

i try to get movement by walking laps in the backyard or swimming in the pool.  the last several days have seen temps in excess of 100 degrees.  i cannot handle the heat right now.  if i'm outside, i'm in the pool.  inside, the ac is cranked lower than i usually allow.  and if anyone touches the thermostat (as in adam), i tell him he is not allowed to do so.  if he is cold, he needs to put on more clothes.  i am not nice right now.

my needs have taken over the household.  poor adam has become a slave.  constantly looking for ways to help relieve my sickness, feed me, wait on me, encourage me.  he is a saint.  he does the laundry.  he does the dishes.  he massages my shoulders and head.  he grocery shops.  he compliments me, even though i am not cute right now.  he does it all. . .without complaint.

so here we are at 10 weeks.  i pray this will all get better soon.  i know it will.  but i continue to pray it will happen sooner rather than later.  i am sick. . .and tired and ready for a happy glow instead of feeling so green.

but i know all this sickness is a good sign that all is well.  so deep down, i know it's all for the best.