we had a wonderful day

can't believe it's already been four days since our little angel arrived. my how time flies. and the wonderful news is yesterday was finally a good day. tuesday was a rough one. emerson hadn't changed much from monday and still hadn't slept a wink since her arrival early saturday morning. that's a long time to be awake for such a tiny little body! the overwhelming exhaustion on top of everything she is fighting was just too much and she was extremely uncomfortable and fussy. we watched in agony as she struggled all day. finally, tuesday evening, she started to settle a bit and have moments of rest, but wasn't able to fully relax and zonk out. about 11 pm tuesday night, i went up to check on her and she was getting close to sleep. so i pulled up a chair, put my hand on her sweet head and worked my mommy magic. and she slowly drifted into a deep peaceful sleep. i sat like this for 45 minutes, scared to move a muscle in fear of waking her, but finally started to move my hand away. just as i did, she started to stir and open her eyes so i quickly put my hand right back and she didn't wake up. 15 minutes later, the nurse helped me replace my hand with a little cushion and she was none the wiser. knowing she was finally peaceful and sleeping, mommy snagged some much needed sleep myself. i checked on her all throughout the night and she continued to sleep, limp as a little noodle, with all of her vital signs remaining strong. all day yesterday was much of the same with her snoozing away, catching up with the long overdue sleep and allowing her little body to mend. it was glorious to see her so calm and peaceful throughout the day.

so we let her be and let her sleep despite my desire to pick her up and snuggle her to pieces. the doctors also confirmed she was moving in the right direction. with all this positive change, i was finally able to get my emotions in check a bit, rest, eat and get serious about pumping. and pump we did! we made progress, slowly evolving from mere drops of colostrum in the morning, to filling up syringe after syringe to deliver to the nurses. they are giving her tiny little drops to swish around in her mouth, but haven't fully started feeding it to her yet as she's still working on figuring out how to swallow and already has a whole lot of extra secretions to deal with constantly.

my mom, sister and the boys had spent the day at the long beach aquarium, but stopped by for a visiting that evening. kris was dying to see emmy, so we zoomed up before the nurse shift change when visiting hours are suspended for an hour. once again, she was sleeping soundly and kris snapped this picture.

last night around 7:30, adam and i went up to visit and received the most wonderful gift. the nurse asked if i wanted to hold her. i was reluctant to get her out of her bed as i didn't want to interrupt this marathon of healing rest. but she was stirring a bit, and i really did want to hold her, so we decided to give it a go. adam was with me and we had the sweetest little family moment. i rocked her and adam talked to her while she kept staring at his face listening intently. then i sang her a song. i couldn't think of one lullaby. . .guess i better freshen up on those. . .so i made one up just for her. and i think she liked it because she was soon fast, fast asleep. words can't express what a wonderful moment it is to first have your baby fall asleep in your arms. it was the greatest feeling in the world. so i stayed and rocked for hours. but it was soon evident that i desperately needed to pump again and that i was way overdo for my pain meds. so i reluctantly turned her back over to the nurse, but said i would be back. i returned at 1:30 am baring my bounty and she was awake and a little agitated. so pulled up a chair and helped calm her back down. i used my magic hand on forehead trick and she was soon jello again. when i returned at 4:30 am, she was still asleep, so i headed back down to catch a few z's myself. and that brings you up to speed.

i so wish i had a photo of her sound asleep in my arms. but i will always have a picture in my head with that beautiful moment. and now, i am off to do my mommy routine all over again today.

thank you to all of kris' (and my own) wonderful friends who have stopped by to show your support. you all are amazing and i appreciate all of your loving words and support. we are truly blessed to have so many people across the nation praying for us and i am humbled by the kindness and generosity. THANK YOU ALL!