when life gives you lemons

such a weak cliche to describe our situation. but really, what else can we do but try our best to turn a bad situation into something better.

we certainly never expected it to turn out like this. it's been a week and a day since sweet Emerson Grace was born. in many ways, it seems like months and in other ways it seems like moments ago. if things had gone the way we expected, we would be home right now with our perfect baby girl. to think i was afraid of the lack of sleep, the crying all night, the diaper changes! wow, that all seems so insignificant at this point. what i wouldn't give to have it that way. but we don't. so we've had to adjust the way in which we view things. we likely won't ever have the baby we envisioned. but one thing i could have never anticipated was the overwhelming love we feel for this baby. it's just not something you can explain to someone who has never had a child. there is magic when you look into those eyes and an instant unconditional bond that can't be broken.

so yesterday was rough. we were coming to some of the realizations that our path had taken a different course and our lives would likely never be the same. we always knew having a child would change our lives forever, but never did we think it would be changed this drastically. of course, we don't totally know what the big picture is going to look like. it's still a waiting game. but to prepare ourselves, we must expect the worst and hope for the best. that said, after two rough days, today was another good day. we were told there were extreme ups and downs in the NICU and we've already learned this in the last week.

today, Emmy sneezed and coughed. this may not seem like a big deal for the average baby, but for our Emmy, it is. one of her big challenges right now is that she doesn't have some of the natural reflexes babies are typically born with because of the lack of oxygen she experienced at birth. specifically, she doesn't swallow and has a weak suck. and up until today, she didn't really gag or cough. this is why she is unable to nurse or suck from a bottle. she is fed through a feeding tube in her nose. so please pray for her to regain these very necessary reflexes so someday she can eat through her mouth.

she's also been being supplemented with oxygen, but for the most part, today she was staying oxygenated on her own. the oxygen tubes remain on just in case she should need them, but we look forward to them coming off for good.

today, i held her for hours while she slept soundly. adam held her too. i read her two books, while she looked on with eyes wide open. she seemed alert and listening. we also set up a CD player for her and she is now listening to lullabies courtesy of her dear father.

tomorrow is a big day. she will get a hearing screening and an MRI to determine what exactly is going on with her brain. and at 2 pm Adam and i have a conference with her doctors and neurologist to get a more complete picture of her prognosis. we've had many questions and gotten few answers while everyone waited to see what was going to happen. we feel she has made progress. we shall see what the doctors have to say. we are scared and hopeful at the same time.

until then, i leave you with these photos that my sister so artistically shot of all her various sweet little parts.