a few days after we arrived in the nicu, one of our favorite nurses mentioned a "poem" about "going to holland". i stumbled upon it tonight. it brought a tear to my eye, but has a very good moral to it indeed. we've been thrown into a journey that is much different than what we had planned, but it is a journey none-the-less. and already i can't imagine my life without out sweet emerson despite the challenges her arrival has already presented. she still brings so much love and joy to our lives. and i've never appreciated my husband and the love we share any more than right now.
"Welcome to Holland"
By Emily Perl Kingsley, 1987. All rights reserved.
I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......
When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."
"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."
But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away...because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss. But...if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
9 comments:
That was beautiful Dawn. I love you guys!
Beautiful... xo
So beautiful and touching! I love you! Hugs & kisses! B
I knew there was a reason I picked the Tulips for you at the hospital.
Sweet poem...and perfectly said.
It's exactly what I needed to hear. Thank You.
Oh Dawn- I know what it is like to end up in Holland, and I can tell you it is amazing. I realize that Benji has a different diagnosis than Emerson. But he has disabilities they tell me. To be honest, we choose to look at his amazing abilities that blow us away daily. I know you will do the same with Emerson. He is funny and social and cute, and I just cannot tell you enough how much he blesses us. Then, there is the side that is more difficult- he has a hole in his heart, he is sick so much more than my other babies (has lung issues). He has trachea issues and does not eat too well. He has therapy to learn the things we just naturally take for granted. I am not sure where he will be in his cognitive brain development. Although he is a really smart little guy. And we are SO thankful for so many prayers answered with him. Many of these issues have gotten SO much better when we have publically taken him for prayer. God never ceases to amaze me. But you know, we have learned to enjoy today with him. And we know God has a very special plan for him. We cannot imagine life without him. He just blesses us in ways that we cannot quite put into words. He is extra special. And then there was Abigail. When she was a baby, she could not even crawl or sit up, etc. for a while. She had a tremor that would not leave. We had no idea what was going on. But with a little therapy and lots of prayer- she is healthy as can be now. I realize that I have no idea what you are going through with your specific sitution. And I am praying for complete healing for little Emmy. But I do understand this poem and know that I would not change a thing with Benji. And I know that nothing is a surprise to God. He even knows how many hairs precious Emmy has on her head. Much love to you all right now- Cara
Hi! You don't know me but I am bloggy friends with your wonderful sister Kristin. I have been following your journey but haven't commented here...mostly because I so rarely have adequate words. But just know that I have been praying for your precious baby and for you and your hubby. I so relate to coming to "Holland"...it is a place I had to embrace living in after we realized that we would never have biological children (Italy). But Holland, along with our 2 precious children (we have adopted) has become our absolute dream destination...so much more rich and fulfilling than anything we could have imagined. Mostly because this new place has taken us into deeper relationships with the Lord and with each other and we wouldn't trade that for all of the trips to Italy in the world!
:-) I know you probably have a lot of people telling you that they "know" what you are going through and that they have experienced something similar, but I would love to give you the blog link of a friend of mine whose baby was born right before yours and had a VERY similar experience.
http://magnoliaraine.blogspot.com
Thank you for allowing us to go on this journey with you!
Vanessa
Dawn- that was very beautifully said, thx for sharing your words. My youngest child is on the spectrum, we're trying to figure what she's working with now with a specialist. I was a social worker before I had kids, who worked with parents that had kids on the spectrum.
Interesting how things work out, eh? Parenting her is a challenge, but one I accept out of my love for her.
Anyway, just wanted to say thanks for sharing your journey, it helps others. Praying for Emmy & you & Adam - Jeannine (Colle) Sonnier
I absolutely love this!! Having a child with a disability is something many don't understand.
When my daughter does things that other children do before her age I love to share it and I do so very passionately. The looks from people aren't the same as mine as they just don't know what it is like.
It is a complete change of life but I honestly do not remember life any differently.
I am very glad I found this blog...
I wish the best for you and Em!
HUGS to all of you
Post a Comment